This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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