i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
