I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
