It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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