home. puking in laundry basket.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
