Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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