There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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