your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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