btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
