found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
