I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
