doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
