there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I will pee on everything he values.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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