please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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