I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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