So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
