Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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