I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
