doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
