PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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