My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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