I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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