His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
