I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
