i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
