My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
