Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I puked a lego.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
