so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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