hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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