I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so let's talk penis.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
