Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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