Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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