if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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