He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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