I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
