It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
