I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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