Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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