I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize