Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm going to jail i love you
id be glad to
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
