My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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