I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize