I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
