I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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