I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
