Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
