Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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