i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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