Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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