Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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