so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
