wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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