nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We are two peas in an std pod
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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