That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
