thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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