my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
