moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
