Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
