I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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