dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I look better un-naked...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My dick has a subreddit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
