I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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