Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
