Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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