I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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