I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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