literally had 100 drinks last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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