her vagine was all disorganized.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
