they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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