I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
