Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
