why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
