How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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