I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
