just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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