My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
