Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
