You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
