there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
