You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
